They Lied: A Delicate Conversation Ensues
Being lied to is one of the biggest management frustrations there is (IMO). I don't wish this situation on any manager, but it happens.
When a direct report misrepresents the facts—whether it's about completing a project or what time they left work that day—it's a gut reaction to want to confront them. Most of us want to see if they'll double down on the lie (I know I've done this multiple times in my personal life).
A manager on a recent group coaching call shared her story: An employee told her they had visited a client site. This manager was at the site and knew they hadn’t.
Her first instinct was to approach the employee and ask, "How did the site visit go yesterday?" AKA - I know you didn't go, but I'm going to test you to see if you'll continue the lie.
This is a classic passive-aggressive move. While it may feel satisfying to put the employee on the spot, I'm not sure this builds your leadership credibility in any way. That type of questioning can only make the employee feel cornered, leading to more lies or to defensiveness.
SPIRAL UP VS. DOWN
Instead of setting a trap, work to create space for them to tell the truth. It's about giving them an easy off-ramp. Think of it like a spiral staircase.
Most management challenges will give you the option of either spiraling up or spiraling down.
Do your words uplift, support, or coach the employee? That's up.
Do your words corner, frame, or trap the employee? That's down.
Here's how spiraling up could sound:
Instead of, “How did the site visit go yesterday?” try something like this:
“Hey, I was just looking at the calendar and realized I might have mixed something up. Did you make it to the site visit yesterday, or was that planned for another day?”
This question is a spiral-upper. It shifts from immediate blame to something else, something that leaves room for a course correction. It gives them the perfect opportunity to say, “Oh, you’re right, I didn’t make it yesterday. I’m so sorry for the confusion.”
This approach achieves a few things:
It Preserves Trust: By not immediately confronting them, you're giving them the benefit of the doubt. Who knows? Maybe they left you a voicemail that didn't come through, or they had a family emergency.
It Gives Truth A Space: The employee is given a graceful way out of their lie. They can admit what happened without feeling shamed or attacked, making it more likely they’ll be truthful in the future.
It Shows Professional Maturity: The way you respond to things (reactively, thoughtfully, angrily, gracefully) is an expression of your leadership maturity. Getting into the practice of spiraling up strengthens leadership muscles.
As managers, the job is to cultivate an environment where a team feels safe enough to admit mistakes, both big ones AND small ones. No lie.
About The Author
For the past two decades, Cecilia Gorman has helped advertising agencies and other creatively-minded companies fix costly communication and productivity issues by teaching managers how to become better connectors, motivators, and leaders. Cecilia is the author of Always Believe In Better, creator of the digital learning course for managers—Manager Boot Camp, and co-founder of the global training and support community for working women—Empowership.
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