How a Manager Calls a Do-Over
Do you remember playing games as a kid and asking for a do-over? Maybe it was a wonky handball hit or a sloppy volleyball serve – asking for a do-over seemed a logical thing to do when things didn’t go the way you wanted them to.
I have a lot of do-overs in the work I do, especially when it comes to video recording my trainings. If I don’t like something I’ve said or if I accidentally forget my lines, I take another stab and re-record the session.
Though not so much when it’s live.
When I’m training with a live audience, I can’t stop the video and start over; Calling a do-over part way through isn’t possible. Sometimes it’s funny, a bit embarrassing, and always humbling when I mess up in front of others.
My latest Manager Power call was ripe for a do-over. While teaching live, my nose started running and I had to jump off camera to grab a tissue; I skipped a page and got mentally (and verbally!) flustered trying to figure out why my notes said one thing and my slides another; it wasn’t my best work.
It got me thinking: Can managers call do-overs?
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There have been plenty of times I wanted to call a do-over as a manager. Something I said upset the other person, or something I did caused a huge problem, and, in hindsight, I knew I could have done it differently or better.
Managers may think what they do is set in stone, but they can call do-overs, and here’s a simple way to do so. A manager do-over uses the simple phrase, “I was thinking about you last night.”
Yep. “I was thinking about you last night.” Don’t say it like you’re a stalker (that’s creepy), say it with care and thoughtfulness.
It is a genuine and simple way to reset when something’s gone wrong.
If you gave an employee some feedback that didn’t go over well.
If you made a decision that upset someone.
If you got in an argument.
Approach the employee the next day and open with, “I was thinking about you last night…”
“I was thinking about you last night, the conversation we had yesterday seemed to upset you and that was absolutely not my intention. Can we talk a bit more about my feedback? I want to understand your thoughts.”
“I was thinking about you last night, I know my decision didn’t go over well with you yesterday, that wasn’t my goal. Can I share a bit more about why I decided to go that route? I want to hear your thoughts as well.
“I was thinking about you last night, I wasn’t at my best yesterday arguing with you. My aim is always to be kind and I crossed that line. Can we restart the conversation with the goal of solving our disagreement?
“I was thinking about you last night” is a gem of an opener because it conveys critical messages in one simple sentence.
✔️ First, it tells your employee that you care and think about them outside of work hours.
✔️ Next, it shows that you are reflective and spend time thinking about how you can be a better manager.
✔️ It shows you are capable of recognizing the emotions and reactions of others especially when you’ve caused upset.
✔️ Finally, it shows that you are humble and willing to admit fault when you have misstepped or misspoken.
All of that in 7 words.
Don’t consider the things that you do and say as permanent. There’s always an opportunity to re-address your words and actions when you have the intention of improving the outcome.
it’s not so much what you do as a manager, it’s what you do NEXT that really matters.
Now, if you screamed at the top of your lungs and used every curse word in the books, this doesn’t fully repair that kind of damage, though it can be a start.
Used genuinely and sparingly, using the phrase, “I was thinking about you last night” can work wonders in bringing your relationships with your employees to a new and more trusting level.
That’s the kind of do-over everyone appreciates.
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About The Author
For the past two decades, Cecilia Gorman has helped advertising agencies and other creatively-minded companies fix costly communication and productivity issues by teaching managers how to become better connectors, motivators, and leaders. Cecilia is the author of Always Believe In Better, creator of the digital learning course for managers—Manager Boot Camp, and co-founder of the global training and support community for working women—Empowership. For media inquiries or to learn more about hiring Cecilia to speak at your organization click below.
