If You Get Good at Anything, Let It Be This...
One of my favorite people to listen to on social media is Dr. Becky. She's been called the Parent Whisperer and is a master at solving child-related challenges (think tantrums, talking back, being left out).
Hang on. I can hear you saying, "But Cecilia, your children are in their 20's." I KNOW!
I'm telling you there is a reason she is so popular. You can just swap out 2-year-old with any aged person in your life, and her advice and counsel are still 100% helpful.
Last week, she said something that stuck with me and made me think of managers.
She said, "You don't need to be a perfect parent [read: manager]. You need to be good at repair." Essentially, when you aren't perfect, you then exercise skills in the art of the repair (of the conversation, the outcome, the relationship).
We know this is true for our leadership and our lives in general:
We’re going to mess up.
We’re going to speak too sharply.
We're going to miss conversation clues.
We’re going to overlook something important.
Repair is the skill that turns that hiccup into something healing.
Here’s what it sounds like in practice:
· "Hey, I realized I cut you off in that meeting. I want to hear your full thought."
· "Yesterday, I was short with you—and I imagine that didn’t feel great. That’s on me."
· "Last week, I jumped right into giving you feedback without asking your perspective.
I don't want to do that next time."
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR MANAGERS
If you manage a team - heck, if you are human - my guess is you are going to mess up every once in a while. Rather than beat yourself up, ruminate on what went wrong, and feel like nothing can be done because it's already passed, pause and channel Dr. Becky.
Start by asking: Is there a conversation I need to revisit?
Not to rehash the problem. But to rewrite the ending. You don’t need to have all the answers. You only need the courage to circle back.
Circling back shows a few very important things to the people you manage:
1. That you care enough to check in with them.
2. That you think about the ripple effect of your actions.
3. That you know you aren't perfect and do the work to improve.
I'm sure if we all thought hard enough, we could think of managers we've known who don't do 1, 2, or 3 of the above. Not us, my friend, not us.
I’ll leave you with this: Repair is not about admitting a weakness; it is the work that turns a mistake into a moment...of connection, of trust, of relationship building. All the things we can't afford to miss as managers.
About The Author
For the past two decades, Cecilia Gorman has helped advertising agencies and other creatively-minded companies fix costly communication and productivity issues by teaching managers how to become better connectors, motivators, and leaders.
Cecilia is the author of Always Believe In Better, creator of the digital learning course for managers—Manager Boot Camp, and co-founder of the global training and support community for working women—Empowership.
Interested in growing your skills as a manager? Check out how Manager Boot Camp might help.
