What Confidence Really Takes
This month I gave a training titled What Confidence Really Takes which focused on how to powerfully step into a place of more courage and confidence.
Here’s the part I emphasized in that session and want to share with you when it comes to the topic of confidence – it’s not that we lack confidence, it’s that self-doubt and our inner critic are ALSO present in us in equal measure.
Let me say that again: It's not that you lack confidence, it's that you also have self-doubt.
Picture a tug-of-war.
Your confident self has one end of the rope and your self-doubt has the other. Any time you’d like to step into something that requires confidence, you have to first battle it out with the doubts and inner critics that show up.
Sometimes confidence wins the tug-of-war and sometimes your self-doubt does. Yet, what's most frustrating is the seemingly lack of control over which one is going to come out on top.
GAINING MORE CONFIDENCE
Todd Herman, the author of the book Alter Ego, helps folks learn ways to tap into the power of secret identities, especially when it comes to having more confidence.
Todd's clients (typically elite athletes and executives) use visioning techniques to imagine what their alter ego might do under pressure. As you can imagine, a champion athlete envisioning themselves as a gold medal-winning Olympian is more powerful than imagining themselves stumbling and falling.
In a work context, take something like public speaking. In order to learn how to boost confidence and tame your self-doubt when it's your turn to speak in front of a client or at a big meeting, we too can tap into the power of a secret identity.
First, identify a public figure or famous person who you think is excellent at that particular skill. Amanda Gorman from this year’s inauguration who was incredibly eloquent comes to mind.
Next, think about what skills or abilities that particular person excels at and that would serve you well when your confidence feels a bit shaky. In this example, perhaps it’s Amanda’s calm demeanor, her strong posture, or her subtle yet purposeful arm movements.
Finally, conjure up the feelings you’d feel if you stepped into the personal power of this alter ego. How would you feel delivering a speech as well as she did? Imagine the rising strength of what it would feel like to be in front of that crowd and deliver to that degree. Using her as your alter "speaking" ego can become a courageous starting point.
Think of it like borrowing the mad skills of someone else to jumpstart your own. Mentally, we can do this any time we need to just by picturing someone who already exhibits that strength.
HOW TO APPLY THIS AS MANAGERS
For managers, my guess is confidence fluctuates at different times for different people. You are unique in the types of things that you struggle with and where you might need more confidence in your leadership.
Here are three steps to help you identify where and how to tap into an alter ego:
1. Take inventory.
Are there any tasks or skills that you feel less confident doing?
What types of conversations or situations cause you a bit of anxiety?
Who do you work with that intimidates you or causes you to feel less confident?
2. Dissect the details.
Think about where, when, and why any lower confidence situations show up for you.
For example:
WHERE - at work
WHEN - in client meetings
WHY - I recently got feedback on how I present that was tough to hear
or,
WHERE - with a new project team I'm on
WHEN - I'm asked to share my point of view
WHY - I'm not as experienced as others in my group and feel intimidated to speak up
3. Consider the roots.
Ask a few questions to see if you can figure out why self-doubt might be overshadowing your confidence. What's causing those feelings to come up? Are there underlying reasons why you're feeling that way? Did something happen recently that shook your confidence? Are you letting your inner critic hold you back?
This 3-step assessment is actually most important. It helps you figure out where your self-doubt might be speaking up and overshadowing your confidence and gives you insight into the best place to start.
Friend, where can an alter ego help to transform your confidence?
p.s. This doesn't just apply at work. Tapping into the alter ego of a successful investor, a famous chef or a fitness guru would be equally powerful.
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About The Author
For the past two decades, Cecilia Gorman has helped advertising agencies and other creatively-minded companies fix costly communication and productivity issues by teaching managers how to become better connectors, motivators, and leaders. Cecilia is the author of Always Believe In Better, creator of the digital learning course for managers—Manager Boot Camp, and co-founder of the global training and support community for working women—Empowership.
Interested in growing your skills as a manager? Check out how Manager Boot Camp might help.