Be the Example
I read something interesting that seems an antidote to turmoil or at least the makings of one if enough of us try it.
The Principle of Social Proof
Essentially, the principle of social proof means one way we determine what is correct is to find out what other people think is correct.
This concept of social proof comes from a book called, Influence by Dr. Robert Cialdini. Dr. Cialdini says we view a behavior as more correct in a given situation to the degree we see others performing it.
"What to do with the empty popcorn box in a movie theatre, how to eat the chicken at a dinner party - the actions of those around us will be important in defining the answer."
What social proof does is, it provides a short cut for us so we don’t have to figure everything out on our own, we can just look around and see what others are doing. Does the person next to me at Chipotle throw away their trash or do they leave it on the table?
Think of it like priming a pump. We look to others to first prime the pump with THEIR actions then we follow suit, deciding the behavior must be OK if others are doing it.
The example used in Dr. Cialdini’s book is the use of canned laughter in sitcoms. When we hear it, we are given the clue and a prompt that "now it’s time to laugh." We figure everyone else is doing it, so we should too.
As humans, we’re constantly looking for clues on how to behave. We look around and make a note of what everyone else is doing.
Of course, there are dangers:
Riots occur - a person is more likely to act out in ways they never would as an individual when they are in a crowd.
Cults form - the folks who followed Jim Jones in Guyana were following the herd when they drank poisoned Kool-Aid.
Negativity permeates - we read negative comments on a social feed, then we add to the mix.
Inaction happens - we see others NOT doing anything, like not responding to a person in distress, then we freeze and do nothing too.
Judgment tanks - we turn off our own critical thinking when we follow the crowd and our behaviors go on autopilot.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR MANAGERS
There is an opportunity here, especially in the state of our crazy upside world. As managers, countering social proof-driven behaviors at work may be as simple as choosing a different behavior ourselves.
Employees are looking at their managers and getting their own clues on how to behave. This is why I am so adamant about executives and senior leaders being intentional role models every single day because their behavior is contagious to the team around them.
When someone interrupts in a meeting, how does the leader behave? Ignores it. OK, then I’ll ignore it. OR, re-directs the conversation back to the person interrupted, telling the team we respect voices here.
When someone gets upset and yells, how does the leader behave? Raises their voice. OK, then responding angrily to others must be ok. OR, calmly acknowledges their frustration, showing how to validate others' feelings.
When someone makes an off-color joke, how does the leader respond? Laughs at it. OK, then I’ll laugh at it, too. OR, politely expresses its inappropriateness, making a statement that humor that degrades doesn't have a place here.
When the policy says to wear a mask, how does the leader respond? Doesn't abide by it. OK, then I won’t either. OR, follows the policies, role modeling top-down leadership.
Everyone is looking around to get cues from the leader (or parent, friend, co-workers, crowd) that, in turn, influences their behavior.
Let’s make the agreement to shift our behavior in order to influence those around us in a more positive way. Lord knows we need all the help we can get.
Our agreement to exhibit the behaviors (which you now know are extremely contagious to those around us) that impact those around us are really important right now.
A few ideas:
Smile more – let’s make positivity contagious starting with you
Listen intently – wouldn’t that be a great thing to role model for the people on your team?
Pick up after ourselves - exhibits social respect in a small yet meaningful way
Take a higher road – when given the choice, respond with kindness and respect
Wait a beat - the urge to follow the crowd is automatic, taking a second or two before you respond allows the space for critical thinking to enter the picture and reduces your own herd mentality.
These might sound easy to do, yet in the hustle-bustle of our days, we’ll most likely forget.
Here's something I do to help. When I am working to improve a behavior or stop doing something that's unproductive, I imagine my life is being filmed.
I imagine how much better I would act if that all day, every day, my actions were being recorded and broadcast for the world to see.
Now you imagine that for a sec.
A camera crew is following you around, seeing what kind of words, actions, behaviors you are showcasing to the world - ones that others look to and decide they'll do them too. I guarantee if this happened, we'll all be instantly better.
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About The Author
For the past two decades, Cecilia Gorman has helped advertising agencies and other creatively-minded companies fix costly communication and productivity issues by teaching managers how to become better connectors, motivators, and leaders. Cecilia is the author of Always Believe In Better, creator of the digital learning course for managers—Manager Boot Camp, and co-founder of the global training and support community for working women—Empowership.
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