Managers, Watch Your Words
Currently, I am coaching 10 women who serve as Executive Directors in the assisted living and nursing home space. We uncovered a pattern of speaking that, I’m guessing, is common among many leaders in other industries and roles (i.e., you ).
And that is, undermining yourself with the words you use.
Remember: Leadership is Language. How we speak, what words we insert into conversations, what phrases we seed into others’ minds – they all contribute to our leadership effectiveness.
So why—in the middle of an important conversation—do we say things like:
"I might be totally off here, but…"
"This may sound naive…"
These aren’t merely words. They’re micro-underminers. And as leaders, we should be more conscious of the times we sprinkle self-doubt into our sentences.
These phrases may feel polite or disarming, but what they’re really doing is seeding low-trust cues into your communication. You’re subconsciously telling your listener:
"I’m unsure."
"You should question me."
"This might not be right."
It’s what neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) refers to as presupposition—planting assumptions into your language that shape how people interpret what you say.
And once you plant it, it grows.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR MANAGERS
Leadership isn’t only about your decisions—it’s about how your words land.
When you seed disempowering language:
You teach your team to doubt your clarity.
You muddy otherwise strong messages.
You lower your executive presence.
AND (the one I am most concerned with), You plant low-quality words into your team’s vocabulary that describe you (cuz you were the one who said them!)
Friends, we don’t rise into leadership to tiptoe. We rise to model clarity, confidence, and strength. If we’re continually verbalizing with micro-underminers, we’re doing damage to ourselves. Here are a few ideas to help:
1. Drop the Doubt Qualifiers
This is where you start your sentence with a casual, unintentional (?) statement that ultimately says, "hmmmm, not sure here."
Even when you ARE unsure, you still have a right to confidently express your insight. Use phrases that model strength, not shrinking language. Try:
"Here’s one way I’m thinking about it…"
"My initial thoughts are…"
2. Cut the ‘Justs’ and ‘Mights’
Words like "just," "maybe," "kind of," "sort of" soften your impact. They may seem harmless—but they train your listener to discount your message. I find this easiest to catch in writing.
Before you click send on any communication, review it for weak, wiggle words. I promise, you’ll be surprised by how many you see.
3. Be Very Careful with Word Choice
Self-labels might seem harmless—or even self-aware—but they often get replayed in meetings, reviews, or performance feedback later.
When you say things like, "I’m a mess when it comes to organizing," "I’m an emotional person," or "I know I’m headstrong," you are handing words to your team on a platter to use as they wish. Don’t be surprised if someone else echoes it later as a reason to doubt your leadership.
You don’t need to know everything to speak with confidence. You do, however, need to notice when your words are softening, diminishing, or potentially undermining your leadership.
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About The Author
Wildly addicted to all things leadership, Cecilia Gorman is a veteran of the advertising industry and the owner of Creative Talent Partners, a training consultancy that specializes in manager development.
Whether it’s a team offsite, a manager workshop, or through her Manager Boot Camp program, Cecilia’s mission is to teach, inspire, and motivate people toward their greatest potential.
