But What If It IS True?
One of my client services is 1:1 coaching for senior-level managers. We dig into their challenges and I give advice and tools around how to show up as a more productive leader. One of the best things in my business is doing this coaching.
Being coached, however, isn't quite as fun.
The short story is this:
Two "coaches" of mine on two occasions said something that was hard to hear. And, I gotta tell you, my first inclination was to outright reject what they said. What do they know?!
Here's what didn't land well with me...
The first told me I was ADHD. Whaaat?!
The second told me I might be burnt out. Really?!
My point here is less about what they said and how they said it and MORE about my rejection of their words.
Trust me, my wheels have been spinning on these conversations...for weeks!
One, because I 100% don't believe they are true. And, two, what if they are true ?
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR MANAGERS
I coach my clients on what to do when they don't believe a piece of feedback and it's this -- Find the Strand of Truth.
If you are told you are a micro-manager and you 100% don't believe you are...find the strand of truth.
If you get feedback that you interrupt too much and you think that's not the case...find the strand of truth.
If your next performance review shares something you absolutely don't agree with...find the strand of truth.
What this means is, there's something for you to learn in every piece of feedback you get -- whether it feels true or actually is true doesn't matter. What can you learn from it?
For me, being observed as ADHD could mean I come in hot to conversations. It could mean my focus is scattered. It could mean I'm verbally 78 rpm when others are not.
Being observed as burnt out could mean I've lost momentum. It could mean I'm working on things that don't bring me joy. It could mean I'm showing up to meetings with little or no energy.
Friend, hearing something hard or surprising or "wrong" is a strong indicator that there's something important to learn about yourself.
Your job is to sit in with stickiness of it.
The next time your spine gets prickly because someone told you something about yourself you disagree with pause to consider what it could mean -- Sit with it. Mull it over. Pick it apart.
Find the strand of truth.
Something in their words is designed to grow you. Trust me, I recently grew myself.
About The Author
For the past two decades, Cecilia Gorman has helped advertising agencies and other creatively-minded companies fix costly communication and productivity issues by teaching managers how to become better connectors, motivators, and leaders. Cecilia is the author of Always Believe In Better, creator of the digital learning course for managers—Manager Boot Camp, and co-founder of the global training and support community for working women—Empowership.
Interested in growing your skills as a manager? Check out how Manager Boot Camp might help.